Monday, December 11, 2006

I Don't Even Know What to Write

I thought my first post after that last one would be upbeat, all things considering. I'd been looking on the bright side and despite everything, life looked good.


A problem that's been building between my mother and me for the last year came to a head tonight. When I phoned her and tried to talk about it, she just didn't hear me. How do you resolve a problem when the person you're trying to talk to can't slow down, take a breath and just listen? Listen and really hear?

So that conversation was definitely not satisfying and, in mom's own words, "not productive," either. What a surprise. De-Nial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Anyway... I suppose I don't really want to write about all that. I did manage to figure out that the reason I hate working on that lace stole so much has less to do with the yarn or the pattern or the needles and more (most; all) to do with my being angry at my mom right now. The last thing I want to do is knit a fiddly, complicated gift for her; not to mention that even if I did knit it, I'd definitely be knitting in all sorts of negative feelings, which -- much as I am angry with her -- I just don't want to do.

So I'm giving myself permission to not finish that stole in time for Christmas. If I start feeling better about mom then the door's still open for me to finish it, but if I don't...well, as I said, I'm giving myself permission to not finish the thing. And that feels very, very good.


Ren said...


Deborah said...

Hi, love that blog counter you have. I put one on my blog too, thanks for the tip!

Patience said...

Just remember, knitting is not obligatory. If it doesn't feel like the right thing to be doing, then feel free to do anything else you do feel like.